Noraire Dawrak !!

My dear friend Nunu, confidently stated today, "Why haven't you been writing anything interesting?" I hid behind a typical Micha answer, "I am uninspired and depressed." I felt pretty stupid saying it, so I decided to do something more stupid and blast "I am titanium" and dance out loud. As I danced my heart out, I started focusing on the lyrics. At this point I am out of breath, drenched in sweat, I replayed the song about three times, yes very movie like, I am quite a dramatic character. The more I danced the more I screamed the lyrics extremely out loud. It felt fucking amazing!! As i showered afterwards (excellent place to think), I thought to myself, "I am such a nagger, I mean ma na2esne shi, why do I pause a lot?" What i am going through right now is tough, but normal for my age. I am Miss Ma3jou2a, one second I want to go to Paris for my masters, then I want to get married and start a family, wo halla open a business with papa bear. Every night I look at my beautiful mother and complain, " TOOT bi haze, lek nothing is working out." She grabs me and kisses my cheeks and tells me "It's ok Habib, it will get better, we will support you forever." I think she should slap me instead. I mean whats wrong with me, so what I am confused!! I am capable of following each dream. So my message after all this ja2ja2a is, "Being confused is beautiful, at least I am capable of having many choices wo akid  I am bulletproof nothing to loose, So LIFE, fire away fire away.

Public Display of Affection: WANTED

Blood thick as thieves,

MK

Picture of the month

I will follow you, he will follow me, she will follow him, but will you follow me?

They tell me play games to get want you want. I never. It takes guts to approach a hopeless case, and balls to turn it around.

Ladies never ask why, always state why.

Vive la femme

Power to the WO-MEN

MK

Favorite Words

Simple words put together, can make a soul shaking statement:

The Witch of Portobello by Paulo Coelho

She raised her arms in the air and cried: “When I die, bury me standing, because I’ve spent all my life on my knees.”

I see Penelope in that scene

Inspired,

MK

The coffee is never too strong

I used to squeeze his hand three times when we sat among people. It was one of the ways to say I LOVE YOU. What happened to that love? None of us are angels but devils we gladly acted. In the end, it felt like a story that caused paper cuts with every page turned. I used to think it was simply bad luck, but in the ABC of life you can not blame luck. "There there, you are ok!" my brain tells my heart. I seem to channel my feelings in words, I believe that exporting your feelings is a smart way to overcome. Why is it at certain moments, we feel the no need to acknowledge that love? People would ask me are you ok? I would confidently answer, "Of course". Is it the speeding cars full of people, adventures, stories, laughter that pick you and allow you to enjoy being single and released of a thigh that you will soon start craving? What is this cycle that always has unfinished business?

It's like looking at a mirror

Sleepless,

MK

One more Cigarette por favor

Is it possible to be hit by the jetlag bug three weeks into it? I couldn’t find any sleep till late hours of the night, was it the brain taking over and depriving me from needed rest? I read, I YouTube videos, I came upon one that was 45 minutes long and discussed the slow death of Lebanon ( I have seen that video a while back but the power of it is still mind blowing). Now after that I became furious, I cried I cussed I planned. For most of you who know me, know that my soul and whole is drenched with Lebanon. The moment I stepped foot in the states people nicknamed me “Lebanon”. Proudly I carried it. I have been blogging quite a bit lately; it’s a way to keep my mind stimulated, so apologies to the broadcast messages and postings. I keep trying to stay in contact with people back home, it’s a way to overcome the miles and miles that frankly I would walk or swim to be back. “Because I'm so clever, but clever ain't wise”. I am 99.9 percent convinced that moving back is a clever move but wise who knows, time will tell. I just hope that one percent doesn’t speak out loud and trigger my spontaneous behavior. At the end of this year, I have learned that conflicts created between two people is a waste, I was in scenes where I looked into myself and said, “Micha is this really necessary.” So silence is a great weapon at times, I recommend you use it and if you can’t I have one thing to tell you, “Oh, you're so clever, you're so clever. But you're not very nice, so fuck forever”.

That Road between Beirut and Zahle, was simply adventures waiting to be sought.

Fuck the Government,

MK

“Said woman take it slow, things will be just fine, you and I'll just use a little patience, said sugar take the time, because the lights are shining bright.” He once said. My daily struggles creep on me every morning, I try to wonder why I suffer from this nonsense. It took a bbm conversation with RJ to realize my lack of respect to time is what’s causing this mess.  I am traveling 85 miles an hour in a 45 miles an hour zone. What is causing this rush? There are many speeding cars around me, but maybe their time is the impatient one. Nothing lasts forever and knowing that maybe makes me want to go through the ABC’s of life as fast as I can. As I sit among my friends who have walked down that aisle to spend the rest of their lives with that one who stole the key to their heart. I can’t help but wonder, will I find that one? if you really know me you would know how sincerely I am obsessed with weddings, my phone is full of pictures that I share with every bride to (maybe I should become a wedding planner), and then comes the question when’s the wedding, I joke “when the 3ariss arrives”. Is it the beauty of the dress, the attention, the flowers etc that makes weddings so appealing to me? I witnessed a lot of I DO’S and I am the one that stands with the biggest smile absorbing the whole event (yea maybe I should be a wedding planner).It was me and four beauties that took over the world, one is happily married now and still ruling, one is a bride in heaven and the other two are going to be the most beautiful brides I cannot wait to see. It was yesterday that we sat in my room discussing what seemed to be the deepest and most crucial in life. Time never stops, we might hit pause to sit and reminisce, but time is still flowing. It was yesterday I was sixteen, hugging you goodbye and now we are dealing with forever goodbyes and grownup talk.  Dear time I will learn to respect you, but slow down chewy ;) I have set many goals for 2012, if I don’t accomplish or reach, there will always be 2013.

The light  in the Sweet November Rain

Calm,

MK

One eyed gypsy

Some nights in the present take you back to past moments that leave you smiling and missing. Driving back with my beautiful Argentina last night, it wasn’t only miles we were crossing we went down the insane wild memory lane of fun, dancing, love and Mexico. By years it was only three, but to us it seemed ages ago. We laughed, we offered silent moments and we remembered, what makes certain phases unforgettable? I am sure you all have certain phases that you have or will encounter that will forever be triggered no matter how much time has passed. I find myself grateful to have kept what was real from those days, sincere, beautiful and forever friends. I find myself living different lives at once, back home some acts are put on because it’s a circus show, here I can be any character at any point. I have found true people back home where I can sit and be me, Cheers to you fellow potential workout buddies (RJ) who take in every complaint I have and turn into a needed challenge. To the Barbie girls who turn my frown upside down (Lilo est Nano) (tpu2 tpu2), to high school buss peers(NB) who make the sky the limit and in the end the free spirits I admire terribly. Today is a struggle, tomorrow will probably be the same, but who isn’t struggling, I find through struggle the true unravels. I will try my hardest to stop asking what if, why and when. I deeply believe in the power of knowing what you want and getting it, been there done that.

He called me a dancing queen, I agreed (rip)

Sleepy

MK

Feel my Adrenalin

USC, PARIS, BEIRUT,NEW YORK,LONDON,ITALY I have been going and coming back every second. 24 years old and I still don’t know where to stand in life and what to prioritize. A thug indeed, but in terrible need to find that brick and start building. I have learned to live and seize moments, I will never wait because what I feel even life can’t deny. As I sit home in California I can’t help but deeply miss every second in Lebanon, even the ugly ones. To me life is an adventure even if you are sitting home with no electricity waiting for the “motor” you can create a memorable moment. I met great people this year; they sparked interests that turned hopeless moments to unforgettable. I learned to smile more even when taking pictures, to tolerate, to expand and to seek what I want. I failed at times, but the success from the bigger attempts made up for all. When love turned to madness, I learned to step aside coz baby all I want to do is dance! I still believe crazy love has a happy ending, so to all you lovers out there who scream more than kiss, who cry more than laugh, who cuss more than hug, look at one another and do the opposite. We lose more than we gain in life, C’est la vie, we can’t change how the story is written because the writer is unreachable. But, we can accept his words and gracefully become the best characters we could be. Live for one and live for all.

                                   http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S-uEU0Q45hE&feature=fvst

Live, love and Dance

Proud,

MK

Empty seat

Bad, bad, bad it has been really bad. Do I regret? Never! I have done a little of everything. Will I pay the price? Maybe. I am sure there would have been a greater loss if I had repressed myself. Many people judged me for fighting to live in Lebanon, they have witnessed many doors slam in my face. I cared at certain moments, then would think at least I am knocking on doors. If we live in our comfort zone  how would we be able to know what we are capable of. It is easy to sit and judge, but let me tell you why I fought. If I close my eyes, I see a young girl staring at graduates celebrating the end of a great era (high school) now that girl couldn't wait to graduate with her friends. Her dream was cut short a year and a half prior. My friends became my all, for them I fought as hard as I could to come back and relive all the memories that froze in my heart. I fought for a land I proudly carried it's legacy, I fought for my family that made us complete. Many gaps were created when I left, I don't deny my deep Respect to the land that Mothered for eight years. But, Lebanon Forever won my heart over. To all who have something to say, my shoes are open for you to try. If you succeed I will learn and if you fail I will be right next to you. Life is give and take, it just takes time. 


Missing you
MK