I don't Prooooooooof reeaed

I was relaxing at the pool the other day, a habit I frequently used to do when I lived back in cali, and saw a group of teenagers girls acting like teenager girls. Thank God I had my glasses on, because my vision froze, and my memories took me back to the years. I like to call them my golden years. I saw Tracy, I saw Lisa, I saw my mother in that spot (Rihab peeps would know what I am talking about) and then I saw me. People always tease me “you traveled to the furthest point and here we find you in Zahle wo al Rihab!!!” I usually laugh, that laugh that you can never usually tell what it means “thank you for wasting that second , Lame.” See when you leave home, and you live on trying to serve this new life with an ace, you can never forget that the technique, perseverance, passion, commitment are all characteristics emitting from a place within longing to go back home. I always recall how I used to feel when I would step foot on this country that takes over my soul, “warmth” . Many people relate sadly many people won’t be able to feel that for a long time now “thank you assir and your lovely god knows what!!!”  last week I met up with nini and a new friend as we just lived and discussed and conversed, I randomly spit “I collect memories” within two seconds I realized, I am sooo far away from the notion of evolution especially when it comes to life. I am soo attached to certain details that make up big memories that I daily carry on with me. Is this good or bad? My mother always tells me “Life moves on, carry on but don’t weigh down!’ WISE WOMAN GOD I LOVE HER. Anyways my point that I think I lost throughout the above words, is before you let your memories get to you, build new ones. Certain characters no matter were life placed them could be part of that chapter you are in but the main character is you and the main you is them. Surround yourself with you “people who love you or more so adore you”

I just enrolled myself in Happiness 101: a course built to engage happy thoughts within.

Units: 1

Professor: Michelle Kandalaft

Number of students: 1

University: Life

kel shi bzid 3an hado byen2ass

amen

 

 

please note: Lebnen awalan stamp that and when it comes to religion you ain't practicing it.

 

 

 

 

Calm

 

MK

Restless Soul

I find it pretty funny/unusual that I can only blog when I am feeling emotionally exhausted. Lately I have been lecturing the people I love about the importance of faking it till making it. “Push for positivity and move forward”. At this moment I am standing in front of me yelling it out loud but for some reason I can’t hear me. Some moments I feel like life is excessively feeding me from the grownups plate, not allowing me to enjoy the baby flavors. “I grew up too fast” I tell myself, but I look around and see the same movie rolling. As I lay in bed every night, I stressfully try to imagine my future. See I have this plan in mind, a big one; I am starting to realize it’s bigger than me. Is that dangerous? Or is it excellent ambition? Only time will tell I guess. Whenever I am out and about dancing and enjoying “ohh yeuuuh” music I can’t help but fall in love with everyone around me, it’s funny how impactful music is!! Throw in the “Khomour” and call it Woodstock!!! I am trying to establish a bond with my feelings at his moment trying to explain what I feel, but nothing is coming out. That brick on the chest that requires that deep breaths with the pfff in the end, has been the chorus this morning.  Responding to that chorus is this chorus “Fear don’t Fail me now”, I am starting to doubt my presence in Lebanon these days and its killing me. I am trying to get all I can so in the end I am fine and every door I knock on is taking a long time to open and I am exhausted. I am aware that life is not honey and sugar and we need to lead the battle but at certain point we need a voice louder than ours, a shoulder firm yet soft, a hug warm and fulfilling. Yesterday I sat with someone I madly adore, a reflecting mirror of my passion, and it’s not the lovely dovey admiration. It’s the deep one that makes you listen, care, acknowledge and worry.  Do you feel that way towards someone? Take a deep moment and think of that one person that you seek to impress, to learn from etc. I believe in life we all need that one person to keep us going. “In life many people will try to put you down, you know not many are blessed with our passion, I advise you to stick to it and never give up, “he said. And I listened!!! So whenever the doubt strikes, I strike back with a double dosage of passion.

To whoever is reading if you find passion, invite it and don’t fight it.

There's a war in my mind, a glamorous one!! care to join?

 

 

 

 

Thankful for YOU

MK

it's a dare to say the truth type of era

Last night I simply lived, I let go of all restrictions that this dam society has imposed and just lived. It’s been a while since I ran around not caring about what people have to say or not acknowledging the pointed fingers that most of the times were just shadows and we all know shadows aren’t harmful!!! But we convince ourselves that if the direction is pointed our way then we are guilty as charged. Well babies it’s all Bullshit, yes you hear me BULLSHIT. I ain’t no saint, but I am far away from being a devil. If I stood loving, they talked. If I stood battling, they talked, if I stood smiling they talked. If I stood for a speech they closed their ears and talked. See we live in a society where people who stand regardless for what, will be targeted to sit down. As I clocked every second of last night, I couldn’t help but think of a certain someone that I have grown to lose all my respect when at one point he owned my all. As I sat and contemplated the thought of him, I realized that sometimes people sit us down not with cruel words or pointed fingers, but with smiles, special moments and empty promises. It’s a dangerous world out there I am telling you. You can never tell what face is hiding behind that mask and yes to me most people are wearing masks. Everyone in this world is singing a different anthem, but non are singing the we anthem. It’s a world of I I then we, and to be frank I joined that choir and I am standing first row. I will remain sincere and passionate but I will drop the “oh excuse me did it stress you out when you tried to walk all over me” shi men heda el haki. Oh one more thing, don’t be afraid to acknowledge what road you sought the important part is that you got to where you have to be.

you have to look beyond what's infront you.......it's all an act of distraction

 

and when you choose truth!! fucking say the truth

 

 

 

mestanfera

 

MK

Thank You Malo Family

It’s April 25^th 2013, I want to close my eyes and arrive at May 31^st 2013 to be more precise 9:30 pm. I feel pretty drained at this moment, I am assuming it’s the terrible flu that refuses to let go. Yesterday I conversed with a certain someone on Whatsapp, never can I understand how someone can deliver an argument via characters, I think solid words need to be supported by certain tones to project the right message. Anyways, the conversation ended with a disappointment, “metel el 3ade”. Can someone explain to me why we are so fucking defensive? I think this world is really coming to end!!! There are people out there breaking sound barriers and we can’t event hear the sound of a calm conversation. Are we programmed to not get along, is it the result of this mad conspiracy that they have launched years back. I was at a conference and a man who I respect not because of the last name he inherited but for the simple fact that he listens, brought up a point of which the system doesn’t allow external change or difference, not only do I agree! I am witnessing that being translated in actions within the people. I will give myself as an example since I can support my argument by simply saying “I”. I am constantly approached by people with one argument; do you think you can change what many have tried for years? (Rudely I might add) and passionately I always answer yeas why not, well today I would like to rephrase, FUCK YES. Note to all who doubt, I am not we are not you are not the same as the ones who fought for the change we are starving for. I praise my passion towards a land that I thank God daily for calling it WATANI. There is a saying if you don’t have something nice to say then don’t say anything. We need to learn to integrate it into our lives. It still hurts when people try to put me down, I am blessed with a strong personality but my skin is as thick as yours and what you feel I feel. I can press the mute button at times, but how long can the button work. The point being is that, he who lives with a passionate determination to accomplish what keep the soul going is a hero/winner  regardless of what the outcomes is. I am in Lebanon not to simply magnify its flaws with words like most people/politicians sell through empty words, but to try and magnify it strengths that will soon, if we stand closely witness it overpowering all. If you once tried, try again and if you don’t want to move aside and allow the rest to try.

What I am anxiously waiting for.........daily people call out my resemblance I adore it

 

 

Missing

Mk 

Monster me

This past week I fell in and out of liking loving wanting needing “God knows what coz I don’t even know anymore” a million times.  You can call it an emotional rollercoaster and I can stamp that. Now today I am perfectly fine, I still tend to have moments that I just wonder!!! But it’s all under control. Now tonight it’s a bit tricky, I just hope I’ll be busy enough to forget. Sometimes I feel like I am playing a chess game against me. Plotting to overcome me!! I visited Saint Charbel yesterday, as we drove up and got closer; I realized why so many people have planned several times to take me there. I was dazzled!!! At one point I closed my eyes and imagined my mother next to me, it was a perfect moment. At that moment I thought of what my situation is, then I realized if there is something, someone, anything that doesn’t make you happy 365 days then they are a tenuous element and in life we all know the weak losses. Let them lose your love, your time; your feelings let them lose you. For when they lose you will win. I used to fight to remain sincere to my feelings, but sometimes my feelings weighed me down. In this world you have to have your attitude aligned with theirs, when they play queen you play king. I came to Lebanon with a naïve heart and untrained mind and after two years, it takes one look at someone through the eyes of course to not just read their thoughts, but unravel their all. Do try it, whenever you are conversing with someone look them straight in the eye, it’s a silent movement that brings out a loud truth. Your life is a work of art and art is duplicated!! Let them duplicate you.

                    

 

Be elegant , be bold!!! they both are beautiful

 

 

Kiss and more,

 

MK

When my world revolves around you

just kidding........... it's your turn to talk, share your wisdom and tell me something....

Thank you for Standing

I would like to officially announce that yes my blogs do reflect my state of being. So my words are inspired from a series of fortunate and unfortunate events mixed together. As I write music has to be present, it always gives me that push of mental power. “Music takes you places, so follow it”  Irritation: The state of feeling annoyed, impatient, or angry. The cause: shallowness. It still baffles my mind when I find myself in a midst of a conversation explaining why I am passionate about certain aspects in MY life. I would like to take a step backwards and explain my point, years years back when my hair was always two colors brown top blond bottom, people questioned and criticized. Now all I see is brown top, blond bottom. When I wore ripped pants the same story, when acid wash was in everyone was out etc. you probably fell bored for a split second reading the above, I feel you because I got bored writing it. Now imagine having to explain it. I think the lack of self-confidence projects such questions. I believe we are all born with the ability to cross borders and frame new fences, it’s what makes us human beings. So why waste time framing fences to others? On Sunday, I proudly stood in front of a crowd that water the seed of perseverance in me. At the Kataeb Executive Forum 2013 I shared my story, a story that I share daily. Some praised my boldness and passion, some questioned why me? Some asked if I had a husband….. and some asked why are you so into it? Clearly they didn’t hear me, and surely they don’t care. We daily meet people, the world is extremely generous when it comes to people. But the generosity in people is as minimal as there hearing abilities. I want to apologize for the seconds, sorry I wasted you trying to explain me. People for the love of GOD all mighty, the one you fear and love and pray to whenever you need something. Please invest in yourself, allow yourself to be asked and not ask, allow yourself to fall madly in love with something, something that will matter, and something that you will be asked to share. Since you didn’t ask I would like to share this, “I live to love and love to live and today is mine and so is tomorrow.” If you find weight in that, drop it. One more thing, Humans: Humans are characterized by having a large brain relative to body size, with a particularly well developed neocortex, prefrontal cortex and temporal lobes, making them capable of abstract reasoning, language, introspection, problem solving and culture through social learning. If you don’t fall in this category that’s a problem to question.

YES, I DO!!

 

 

 

Grateful for you,

 

MK