91 Issues, and on to the next one.

A dear friend of mine painfully said goodbye to her love yesterday, prior to his departure, I saw her holding back the tears, but her emotions forced them out shamelessly. Cry sister! I silently said.

God it is the worst saying good bye to pieces of your heart, especially when a good bye is carried to a different continent and will live on for months till the next hello.

I advised her to cheer up and just fake an excitement to this new anticipation. I mean if I can do it, she can. Since the moment I turned 16 that feeling came to life. I miss them, and I count the days to see them. They leave this world, and I anticipate dreams to see them. They break your heart, but hope allows you to anticipate a moment of reconciliation. See we always anticipate, and I am starting to think it’s an excellent defense mechanism. Foolish but helpful

I just started an internship at a magazine I am pretty fond off, but at 26 I would have hoped all that I have worked for and accomplished would lead me to a job, I feel 18. But in the end it’s a choice and I AM ANTICIPATING TAKING OVER ;)

One more thing, don’t you ever feel like you are alone, we all feel! Just keep that in mind. 

P.S Magazine Issues

I call this education

I call this dedication

Stop at Nothing

MK

Should I wear a collant?

It’s been a while since I felt the need to write. It is usually when feeling sad especially hurt when I feel the urge, now those feelings accompany me at times but they don’t have a drastic presence. I think when you know what you want, or you learned how to read between the lines you stop asking “Why?” I met a beautiful lady from my Masters’ program that shared major similarities weather in personality or interests. Last night we stepped aside from the nightlife and discussed what she has been going through. I know most of my blogs are about relationships and men and women and akh and ekh but come on that’s usually the hot topic after a couple of vodka tonics. Of course we shared back and forth moments in past relationships and our similarities grew stronger. Of course we always ended our contribution in the conversation “Oh it’s his loss” LoL I think that phrase has become a universal ease. But really though! Whose loss is it really? As we proceeded she said they are “Hypocrites” I agreed with excitement but then brought it down with “We should have known better!” You see we can’t control how they treat us or act towards us, but we can definitely control our reaction, which is far more crucial in the equation, it really controls the (equal) part. This week I was invited to attend an event that I would have participated in an encounter with a person that kept me asking (Why?) but I decided to leave the answers unanswered because he had none and I realized that feelings are not permanent just sustainable depending on the who what where and why. Now let’s Guggenheim

Shu Beke Hayete?

Nothing! Rasse 3am youja3ni

:)

MK

Small People, Big Steps

Marc Chagal-Mr. Happy

I am sitting across my roommate Simon, Simon meet my world J He is so cute and more so French, if you know me you know how much I love French people, they are mysterious and well informed. Anyways enough about the French! My dearest friend and I were discussing how men tend to be. I told her listen, we are just nice and we don’t like hurting feelings well compared to some people in our lives. Then I told her try this where you just ignore and guess what, that man texted and texted. I can’t express the disappointment we both shared when that occurred, I laughed and said, “Join the club”. It might be in a man’s nature to like the chase, but at a certain age a man needs to know what he wants. While some people argue, it’s just to easy for the man sometimes, I would agree but then would disagree that at times honesty is mistaken for easy. About to play some chess with Simon so I just have one advise to me and you, you are light as feather and if anyone ever makes you feel heavy just walk away. God bless pretzels 

Tears for fears

You can't avoid them these days. Is it me or does struggling fall in everywhere? In every sense you witness a struggle! Or maybe it's simply growing up? 

Anyways the level of exhaustion is pulling back to bed,  I am thinking of taking it to the gym, fekra helwe no?

bisous

You turned me on, then you turned me off

Helefe?

Phil Collins definitely has major female cells in that beautiful body of his. When we sing together, we sing as one! Gender is dismissed. Anyways Hi how are you? I hope you had a great weekend. Mine was pretty everything, from Man to Broks it was all smiles. Genesis is on right now “Tonight,Tonight”  so I am on the electric guitar on the counter while I am really just sitting writing this. Not everything you feel is attainable at the moment. So proceeding, I would like to talk about why men lie? LOL ok sorry but it makes me laugh, because is it really lying when you personally know what is happening? A gorgeous friend of mine explained to me that when you feel it, it is right! Battling for honesty is plain defeat. To be frank once that connection is broken the doubt will forever manifest within. Till now and even though they have grown ahead, she still finds that sickening feeling of what if? I won’t get into details, if I was writing this a month ago, I would probably have to say that when a Man wants he will same for women, but now it’s about the male. So anyways when I moved to NY I really wanted to see a certain someone but all I got was but, what if, huh heee excuses that frankly took one person to be in the same spot to address that there is someone else. Back then I wished I was her, now amen to the lord that was crucified for all I am not her. While at times we stick with it, let me just tell you one thing boys we do lose respect towards you. You just become a temporary habit and we can all agree habits change. Lies hide things, maybe things that are better kept hidden, but unless you are honest you can’t sit with us.

Everyday I am in my way

I have this habit that has lately been getting on my nerves and when it does I tend to cuss in Arabic but not out loud. So when something isn’t working out or not stimulating me anymore or whatever the case is I right away write “The End” not really taking into consideration that maybe I am the boring one or I am the cause for not allowing it to work. I do know what I want, but sometimes it takes a couple of chapters to realize what’s being offered. I am not the type that regrets my actions but I do question them a lot. I recently tried to change a scenario, I myself drew but I failed. I am hurt and disappointed, but what’s weird is that deep down I know that it wasn’t my scene. When you grow feelings, hopes and a look into the future, you tend to become blinded. My situation was brief, but I am talking in general. It took two strangers I met and a spontaneous night out to allow me to realize what was really going on. When I was asked about my last relationship, I questioned myself was it a relationship? My last one was a bunch of messages, videos, images and calls. But I did have feelings and cared tremendously, I still do. But is that really a relationship? I mean you can have that with several people no? One in a different country and who would know? Btw word of mouth is a beast #justsaying. In this modern world people communicate more but the communication is less. Now it’s about how many exclamation points or hearts you invest in a message. I love you or I love YOU!!!!! Do the math, I am sure to most the second one appeals more. Ok let’s do another one, Hey, How are you? Or hey you!!!! How are you?:)  anyways I miss laure’s cooking and I will leave you with this : remember memories but know that what’s important is what went in and what came out. 

Some make Bad Habits look pretty

Take me to Lebanon

MK

Be gentile with your Genitals

Lately I have been just observing, it's a type of silence that requires internal sound. Anyways I am finally in New York it feels like home except the weird incidents at the metro #nocomment I'll leave it to your imagination just think dirty. I have been meeting the warmest people that allow that tear that I am trying to hold back, to dry up. I do pass through emotional moments where I just want to hug Laure but being emotional is me so wherever whenever I will salut moments like thee and keep walking . I have noticed a neurotic calmness  in New Yorkers btw I am listening to a song and rapper keeps insisting on the question 'you don't love me no moe?!' So I am not the only one :) lol ok so back to the New Yorkers that are sweet and beautiful they have one thing and one thing only to tell me 'Michelle you will hate life at times but you will not want to be anywhere else' and I get it. Ps the neighbor on the 4th is sooooo cute looking forward to elevator rides #feeling13 and Lahza to all in Lebanon this summer be safe and you are on my mind deyman .




Sup
MK