Thinking out loud

Most people around me want love, want to be in love! Up till recently, I was a lead singer in the love choir. I’ve always had a whimsical approach when it came to love. See I am the type of person who is always in a state of love, it could be with a man, a song, clothes, food anything that stimulates my heart and mind, I can fall in love with, and this world has so much magic you can’t blame me. My friend, a solid strong woman who my life would lack warmth if she wasn’t part of the ingredient, would always look at love from a different angle. An angle I am still trying to fathom, but an angle that makes sense. It’s a form of comfort more than passion, I can’t really explain it because I am very passionate and irrationally biased so no matter how hard I try passion will always dominate.

I haven’t written in a while, and writing is usually therapy to me so sometimes I am talking to myself not to you. So, making no sense is normal, don’t judge! Some close ones to my heart are suffering deeply from love, I have tasted that sour recipe before and my God it is painful, I mean sometimes no light can find its way to you. Today, love for me goes beyond mind and body stimulation. Love is communication, comfort, empathy a force driving the good out of people. Love has controlled me, it raised me and it buried me, it blossomed and broke me, it moved me and destroyed me.

I recently realized that sometimes we tend to project what we want to see, hear and feel in people. We orchestrate it to a point where being in love becomes mandatory, but in reality it’s the desperate need of love that manipulates the scenario. We share moments with people and we sometimes turn these moments to a chorus that we want to keep singing and if we fail to proceed the chorus turns into a song, a sad melody! Because disappointed hopes usually react that way. When we can’t harvest the seed of love, we seed negativity on top of it and we keep watering it till there is no room for a new seed of love to grow. We have to learn to allow failed attempts to move along without destroying the memory of it. I am learning to look at the bright side of every attempt, and it helps it really does establish a peaceful approach. Love is not loss, turn into a win no matter what.

  

Number 100

Option: something that may be or is chosen; choice.

To you, to me! Your best friend and worst enemy!  I am going to take this convo to the dating aspect or even friendship zone. This world is all about options, we are all scouting the best of the best. Along this idiotic process we are dismissing feelings, time and most importantly humanity. The freedom of being an asshole has been extended to the point where namoss or akhle2 or “moral” lal amerkan doesn’t exist. We all do it. Can we please stop!

Let’s learn to give time to those who give us there.

Let’s learn to answer or return a call.

Let’s learn to man up to commitments and promises.  

Let’s cut the bullshit and be on the same page.

Let’s speak one language.

3eshtom wa 3ashat 2al Ensaniye somewhere.

Love you

MK

Always is not always

You can’t really lose it, unless you lost it! We always underestimate the power of control especially the mental, leading to a failure status quo. I am listening to Jay Z right now, and now I have the urge to intrude my thoughts with some rapping. But I am not a rapper so I will stop. I am turning 28 on Sunday, 28 years on earth and what have I learned?! I learned that life is all about angles and you choose where to stand. I am still learning don’t get me wrong. Some days I am an A+ student the next I walk around with an F stamped on my face. It’s ok, it happens, SH#$ happens baby. New York will soon turn into a Popsicle, you will hear a lot about it don’t worry. But I am beyond worried I hate the cold! It’s tough but it shall pass and spring will blossom and summer will make you wish it was winter. If you do the math here, you will notice that you are always standing on the opposite side of the green, unless you grow some grass.  

My grass is mine, and your grass is yours ...

MK

August 1, 2013

I usually write with headphones on to isolate my thoughts from distractions but today is not the case. My headphones are lying on my bedroom floor under a blazer that turned into a shirt for last night’s outing. I am very detailed when it comes to my imagining, especially when I imagine the man I love. Yes we all have that one person that we love, loved, will always love, mine has been the same for the past two years. I miss him, imagine him, wish for him, hate him, love him, want him, don’t want him, I am fine, I am ok and I don’t even know. But one thing I know, it’s not meant to be and part of me is ok with that. When all your senses are in place, bullshit remains bullshit! But we live in an era where sense and sensibility are simply a movie title. Really! You might be laughing right now! But when was the last time you checked your phone hoping to get a social media movement your way from a certain someone who is online this very moment. We compromise pride for split seconds of happiness because half the time we are anxious and waiting. I am trying to neutralize the topic gender wise but if you sense a biased feminine perspective don’t overthink it! I am a woman.  “He might kiss someone tonight” “He ignored me” “She is spending the weekend at his house” now do the math! Cheater, Liar and motherfucker. Now wait a second, this is reality? Yes.

Honesty is not a weakness, don't fear it !

Yours for now

MK

Dearest you

If you count your blessings, you are blessed! And if you dismiss them, you are the unluckiest person aka ma fi gheyr tannous bel jeich. I tend to go back and forth, seconds I am blessed, minutes I am not, hours who knows. I think it’s normal to have mixed feelings regarding the fortunate self, but at one point external factors become so deeply embedded and turn to internal tortures. The best balance is surrounding oneself with blessings. I still find myself shocked, like deeply shocked by some external factors, but at a point I am thankful for I do control how it phases me. Of course I spare some sad thoughts, but at the same time I can easily turn people, thoughts, questions, answers etc. into memories now. When things get out of control, you lose control, and man that feeling is awful but really what can you do? Today a beautiful soul so young so fresh departed and it really forced me to count my blessings. When I feed into bullshit, I become bullshit and that is f@#$ bullshit. As you might know, I am a person who acknowledges memories to the max, I might be standing in the present moment, but if you dig inside of me, you would see me floating in memories. I try to find answers of the past in the present and more so hope for answers in the future, but really if you don’t have an answer now, what good is it?

 Be inspired rather distracted 

MK

Dear Heart! Behave

I am not sure what your current state of feeling is, but I am sure pain demanded a positioning at one point. Excuse my marketing analysis on feelings, but I have been studying and interviewing, and some words are embedded in my conversations, such as the feeling of pain. I hope you are not drawing an image of me sobbing and trembling, not that I haven’t. I am talking about the pain that is silent and dealt with one on one. I am not ashamed of that feeling and neither should you. We do gain a lot in this world and should be grateful and in return there is loss and with that, pain in unquestionable. My pain is affiliated with love, I was born to fall in love and be loved. The past three years love has been selfish and quite painful; distances grew, frustrations became loud and clear and cutting losses became a dream. I am not the only one, and that selfish thought allowed me to get out of bed. Human beings survive! We are alive till we are not and that is the weapon that overcomes pain. We have to keep in mind that love is reborn, as soon as it fades, it resurfaces and it’s a cycle. “I can’t breathe!” a dear friend cried to me. It’s a crazy feeling pain! It can translate itself physically, emotionally and mentally and more so at some point it combines them all. Hayete I feel you and many do. Today you let pain win, but tomorrow is a new day. My momi would always tell me, “Micha, be grateful!” As I compare my pain with others, I find it minimal and stupid, but it’s my pain and my battle and when it’s personal it’s major. Praying for your pain <3

When I love, I do it without counting. I give myself entirely. And each time, it is the grand love of my life.
BB, ME, YOU and many more

Regards, 

MK

Hey Man Can I Ask You Something?

I haven’t written in a while, I always try but the words just wouldn't make sense, as if they would now! It’s finally warm, God I love this time of year. It’s the rebirth of the soul, I feel alive. I miss my family so much, they are close but God dam soooooo far! I met some incredible people last week, the type of people from a hello you instantly connect. We shared all present thoughts and feelings, but more so we listened to them. I am really grateful, I have always counted my imperfections and life’s negative behavior towards me. But now I know that life was just teasing me. You know I spent this weekend dancing and laughing, there was one episode where I cried, but I am very sensitive and emotional so it was normal. But I kept over thinking what was going on, I hate not being able to understand stories where I find myself a main character. Last night my beautiful best friend “D” read me a late night quote and then looked at me and said, “We always over analyze when it’s right there, they represent themselves the way they are the way they feel so let’s stop generating excuses and delivering answers to ourselves!” I slept with zero questions in my head. Some words just make sense, and you know what I don’t give a dam F word, see mom I can contain myself J and you too. You can attain anything you want, believe me I know. The moments I felt I lost, I just had to look up and it was a gold medal.

Never mind Man............

He has to make you smile 

Grateful 

MK