Life is unfair, death is unfair

The first funeral I ever witnessed was when I was 10. I was in the school bus heading home in Zahle, Lebanon. The bus suddenly stopped, I looked up front and I saw a crowd, people in black and an open casket painfully carried. The image of the man lying inside and the blond woman screaming, I will never forget. I was always intrigued by funerals, not emotionally but aesthetically. The black semi vintage suits that women kept ready in the closets over the years in case a funeral came up, the protocol, the hairdos, and the classical style that everyone followed. It was an organic, classy and serious setting. I was young back then so I didn’t quite understand death, till pieces of my heart started dying. Deaths has its right on all of us, we are truly born to die. But, there is unfairness to death. Whenever death takes place, it takes me back to the moments when death was right in front of me, allowing me the last farewell. And then I wonder! Is it fair for us to live to the fullest caring not and worrying never about anything that prevents happiness? I mean should I have just hopped on a plane yesterday and enjoyed a beautiful summer in Lebanon. Should I not care about money and live the moment, “Yalla Micha go enjoy life, money will come. But what about rent, food, blah blah NY is expensive I mean who will pay for that. Allah bidaber!!” Myself questioned myself. See choices in life are tricky, when I hear of a young soul departing I just feel the urge to pursue immediate happiness. But when the compass points towards my future, my ambitions speak out loud. I daily wonder what it would have been if I did, in every aspect, but I know that what is going on, is meant to be.  

 

<3

 

 

 

if they don't get in your pants, they get in your face

Phone therapy sessions are my therapy sessions. It’s more of a mutual knowledge input and realization process. Today we discussed that empty/sad feeling we feel when we wake up. Is it normal to wake up really sad? I think it is, because normally I feel that way. Like I always say, feeling sad is not a problem, it’s a feeling! But, when it turns into a lifestyle/habit it turns into a problem. Not knowing what provokes sadness, could possibly be the saddest thing. I know where that’s sadness is coming from and she is definitely on top of hers. Typically, the solution would be easy. But, in this case it is an uncontrolled matter. Emotional mutuality /anticipation, a feeling that basically sweeps you of your feet, is what we want. I felt that feeling not so long ago; it’s a mixture of excitement, curiosity and a happy wake up feeling. It helped me in so many ways, and I can’t wait to feel it again. And that’s how the session ended, when something or someone doesn’t exist; let’s anticipate the day they will. On a more personal note, I realized that you can’t apologize for being loyal to what you feel. For if it was really real, there would have been no need for an apology. It’s not easy to find love, but it’s easy to fall in love and now balashet etfalsaf bye!

 

no none argues with Einstein!!!

 

metamesha

MK

It's called IMAGINATION

“Boume” : a Lebanese term for describing an annoying sad woman aka “buzz killer”. At this very moment I am a boume. June 19 I was supposed to head to Barca to meet my sweetest Fay, then on the 24^th Lebanon was supposed to meet me at the airport. You know ever since I moved back, I anticipated my return. I was more excited to go back this time, because visiting always had a magical feel to it, I can’t really explain it, but it makes everything much more worthy. Every day, every hour every person counts. I am looking at my mother right now, she is writing a new story she makes my heart melt, kif beddie erja3 eterkek ya albe!!!! Last week Laure and Bob gave me their blessings for New York, my soul smiled. Starting from zero is probably the hardest thing at this moment, but it’s a reminder that oneself should never stop. Life is about sacrifices I have learned , but sacrifices are not losses I keep reminding myself. I think I took emotional to the next level at this moment especially because  Racha Rizk - Succar Ya Banat (Caramel Soundtrack) is on rewind. Yesterday was beautiful I got to spend it with a person I adore, but yesterday I was left with my emotions and thoughts because the situation provoked more questions than answers and I was asking. I am missing, and will miss but who knows.

 

another meaning to Boume

 

 

 

 

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MK