The moments I decided to deprive the world of my trust, passion
and admiration. I stumble upon people that force my trust and passion and
admiration towards them. Some people unravel the cruelty of life through words
and actions. We all have a certain devil in us, no one by any means is perfect but
being a fulltime devil is maliciously scary. I don’t fear your hatred and jealousy.
I fear your inhuman ability to feed me kindness with a conniving spoon. It creates
a war in my head when I see people living with no moral compass; feeding of
negativity and growing of external pain. I grew up seeking to meet the kindness
in strangers .I lived in the furthest point, away from my land and point by
point the years dragged me back. Today I feel ok; yesterday a cloud haunted me
and tomorrow who knows. My friend told me a story where Saint Charbel took to
words and said, “Heaven is up there, why do I only see people steeping low?” This past month I tried to contemplate why people
assassinate? As I imagined how the story ended, I furiously questioned “who are
you, whoever you are, to decide when his or her life should end?” Is fear
bigger than your conscious? Did it dig
deep into your soul, leaving you with no choice but to end who triggered it?
Shame, is a man who acknowledges God in his prayers but overpowers him in his
actions. This life might not feed you the medicine of pain but one shall
harvest what he seeds. Time has no friend; it will in the end get you. To you
living at war with yourselves, don’t project it onto others. As my life rotates around working and working
and working, I pause at times and wonder How come my life is extreme? I never
find a balanced point. Is it my age? The Golden years of overworking your soul.
I am tired of feeling like that summer breeze will never reach me. I constantly
hear people expressing the pride they feel towards me at this moment,
criticizing along the way how lost I was 2 years ago. I always wonder why people
never praised my guts that brought me back to Lebanon. 2 years ago I woke up
from a nightmare; don’t get me wrong I kept falling in and out of ones because living
here wasn’t easy. Whoever is reading, I want you to look deep inside and
cherish and praise what every makes you happy even if it’s a simple thought and
then I want you to approach a friend and praise their tiniest accomplishment. Spread
the love and leave a happy mark.
He Believed in a Country, he praised, he fought, but moslty his love trust and passion to Lebanon gave birth to fear that crossed enemey lines and ignited a war that only he would win if he came out alive........note he still is.
Lebanese forever
mk
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