Life: passion fruit

Every night before I mute out, I think of the best introductions to start my blogs. By the time I hit the snooze button 5 times at least, the thoughts are merely dreams that I can’t remember. I met a guy about a month ago, not just a guy, “THE guy”. I never witnessed such kindness in strangers, I do believe in it, but to encounter it, added a different flavor. I daily digest vitamins believing they would pump that energy that has been diluted into pictures and restricted by frames that limit and loose me. To be frank, the only energy booster that works is humanity. Let me tell you why: as we strolled down, my enemy thoughts strolled away, I was in a war defeated at the beginning, murdered at the end. He looked at me, features concerned, “why are you sad michy?”, at the moment the war scene turned to ash and trash and who fights trash? Kindness, his kindness, reminded me that my reality had an undecided grand finale and I was delighted to play along. You can never deny feelings, but you listen to them, analyze them, understand them and channel them. I still return to the battle zone from minute to minute, but I know I am a whatsapp away to come back. Quite a simple procedure!!!! You can’t dig for humanity, but you appreciate it, adore it and always lean on it when it knocks on your door. To my dearest OAK, “Give me all, give me all, give me all your attention baby ,I got to tell you a little something about yourself You're wonderful, flawless, ooh you're Treasure..” and ladies he is SINGLE.

 

Couldn't a face of a buried innocent soul do it?

 

 

 

lost but never defeated

 

MK

They bang and blame

People people people, God I love me some people!!! Every now and then life’s generous gene turns my way and spoils me with kind, sincere and genuine creatures defined as Humans. If you were to be sitting next to me right now, you would look up and see my past, present and life. To be frank you would have a glimpse of my life, since unfortunately I keep bouncing back and forth, up and down, left and right (now we are dizzy). I was conversing with a friend that keeps growing on me daily (cutie) about the need to let go of the past. As we strolled, I sensed annoyance in his body language and frustration on his face, now being the type that needs to jump on it and rescue the soul from frustration with a falsafe 101 that I sign up everyone to, I asked “are you ok?” he was perfectly fine, just bouncing back and forth, up and down, left and right. It was an incident in the past. You know the past has some nerves, especially when it forcefully draws all over the present and “kemet el waqeha” when it blurs and distracts your future. Who to blame? Well he blamed himself, I usually blame myself, tab who do they blame? The past shouldn’t be forgotten, but the past shouldn’t live on. To my past I love you and I know you are always around, just stand behind me and not in front. I wish nini functioned on loud music. So let me just tell you one thing if you love bad bitches, that's your fucking problem, so keep it to yourself coz our world don’t revolve around em.

some people don't notice, but he does

 

 

 

 

 

amen to men

 

MK



Opinions ain't facts

I am sitting at work staring at the computer screen typing out “ I am sitting at work staring at the computer screen.” Quite lame eh??? Well frankly that’s what I have been feeling lately “LAME”. It’s breaking my heart that my beautiful country “Lebanon” is brought to you by fucked up, money whores, soulless politicians. Every corner utilized by the common person is a resemblance of what we call HELL!!! As I drove to Zahle this past weekend, I think my life flashed in front of my eyes shi 50 times because of the number of deadly jowar you would typically encounter while trying to get home. #yikes #yamama #ya3adra and I definitely need more than “Allah Ma3ek” coz allah would have probably not been able to avoid dem jowar. Apart from the disastrous infrastructure in Lebanon, I still find beauty in Lebanon like meeting certain people that are just wonderful. Nini is uffin and puffin behind me gotta address it!! To whoever is reading “never wait, it will be too late.” And live love, live love, love live whatever but please do it till your last breath.

The pretty lady to the right is nini

nini: a person I am mad about #friend #sister #class #beauty #generosity

 

 

 

Free

MK  

I don't Prooooooooof reeaed

I was relaxing at the pool the other day, a habit I frequently used to do when I lived back in cali, and saw a group of teenagers girls acting like teenager girls. Thank God I had my glasses on, because my vision froze, and my memories took me back to the years. I like to call them my golden years. I saw Tracy, I saw Lisa, I saw my mother in that spot (Rihab peeps would know what I am talking about) and then I saw me. People always tease me “you traveled to the furthest point and here we find you in Zahle wo al Rihab!!!” I usually laugh, that laugh that you can never usually tell what it means “thank you for wasting that second , Lame.” See when you leave home, and you live on trying to serve this new life with an ace, you can never forget that the technique, perseverance, passion, commitment are all characteristics emitting from a place within longing to go back home. I always recall how I used to feel when I would step foot on this country that takes over my soul, “warmth” . Many people relate sadly many people won’t be able to feel that for a long time now “thank you assir and your lovely god knows what!!!”  last week I met up with nini and a new friend as we just lived and discussed and conversed, I randomly spit “I collect memories” within two seconds I realized, I am sooo far away from the notion of evolution especially when it comes to life. I am soo attached to certain details that make up big memories that I daily carry on with me. Is this good or bad? My mother always tells me “Life moves on, carry on but don’t weigh down!’ WISE WOMAN GOD I LOVE HER. Anyways my point that I think I lost throughout the above words, is before you let your memories get to you, build new ones. Certain characters no matter were life placed them could be part of that chapter you are in but the main character is you and the main you is them. Surround yourself with you “people who love you or more so adore you”

I just enrolled myself in Happiness 101: a course built to engage happy thoughts within.

Units: 1

Professor: Michelle Kandalaft

Number of students: 1

University: Life

kel shi bzid 3an hado byen2ass

amen

 

 

please note: Lebnen awalan stamp that and when it comes to religion you ain't practicing it.

 

 

 

 

Calm

 

MK

Restless Soul

I find it pretty funny/unusual that I can only blog when I am feeling emotionally exhausted. Lately I have been lecturing the people I love about the importance of faking it till making it. “Push for positivity and move forward”. At this moment I am standing in front of me yelling it out loud but for some reason I can’t hear me. Some moments I feel like life is excessively feeding me from the grownups plate, not allowing me to enjoy the baby flavors. “I grew up too fast” I tell myself, but I look around and see the same movie rolling. As I lay in bed every night, I stressfully try to imagine my future. See I have this plan in mind, a big one; I am starting to realize it’s bigger than me. Is that dangerous? Or is it excellent ambition? Only time will tell I guess. Whenever I am out and about dancing and enjoying “ohh yeuuuh” music I can’t help but fall in love with everyone around me, it’s funny how impactful music is!! Throw in the “Khomour” and call it Woodstock!!! I am trying to establish a bond with my feelings at his moment trying to explain what I feel, but nothing is coming out. That brick on the chest that requires that deep breaths with the pfff in the end, has been the chorus this morning.  Responding to that chorus is this chorus “Fear don’t Fail me now”, I am starting to doubt my presence in Lebanon these days and its killing me. I am trying to get all I can so in the end I am fine and every door I knock on is taking a long time to open and I am exhausted. I am aware that life is not honey and sugar and we need to lead the battle but at certain point we need a voice louder than ours, a shoulder firm yet soft, a hug warm and fulfilling. Yesterday I sat with someone I madly adore, a reflecting mirror of my passion, and it’s not the lovely dovey admiration. It’s the deep one that makes you listen, care, acknowledge and worry.  Do you feel that way towards someone? Take a deep moment and think of that one person that you seek to impress, to learn from etc. I believe in life we all need that one person to keep us going. “In life many people will try to put you down, you know not many are blessed with our passion, I advise you to stick to it and never give up, “he said. And I listened!!! So whenever the doubt strikes, I strike back with a double dosage of passion.

To whoever is reading if you find passion, invite it and don’t fight it.

There's a war in my mind, a glamorous one!! care to join?

 

 

 

 

Thankful for YOU

MK

it's a dare to say the truth type of era

Last night I simply lived, I let go of all restrictions that this dam society has imposed and just lived. It’s been a while since I ran around not caring about what people have to say or not acknowledging the pointed fingers that most of the times were just shadows and we all know shadows aren’t harmful!!! But we convince ourselves that if the direction is pointed our way then we are guilty as charged. Well babies it’s all Bullshit, yes you hear me BULLSHIT. I ain’t no saint, but I am far away from being a devil. If I stood loving, they talked. If I stood battling, they talked, if I stood smiling they talked. If I stood for a speech they closed their ears and talked. See we live in a society where people who stand regardless for what, will be targeted to sit down. As I clocked every second of last night, I couldn’t help but think of a certain someone that I have grown to lose all my respect when at one point he owned my all. As I sat and contemplated the thought of him, I realized that sometimes people sit us down not with cruel words or pointed fingers, but with smiles, special moments and empty promises. It’s a dangerous world out there I am telling you. You can never tell what face is hiding behind that mask and yes to me most people are wearing masks. Everyone in this world is singing a different anthem, but non are singing the we anthem. It’s a world of I I then we, and to be frank I joined that choir and I am standing first row. I will remain sincere and passionate but I will drop the “oh excuse me did it stress you out when you tried to walk all over me” shi men heda el haki. Oh one more thing, don’t be afraid to acknowledge what road you sought the important part is that you got to where you have to be.

you have to look beyond what's infront you.......it's all an act of distraction

 

and when you choose truth!! fucking say the truth

 

 

 

mestanfera

 

MK

Thank You Malo Family

It’s April 25^th 2013, I want to close my eyes and arrive at May 31^st 2013 to be more precise 9:30 pm. I feel pretty drained at this moment, I am assuming it’s the terrible flu that refuses to let go. Yesterday I conversed with a certain someone on Whatsapp, never can I understand how someone can deliver an argument via characters, I think solid words need to be supported by certain tones to project the right message. Anyways, the conversation ended with a disappointment, “metel el 3ade”. Can someone explain to me why we are so fucking defensive? I think this world is really coming to end!!! There are people out there breaking sound barriers and we can’t event hear the sound of a calm conversation. Are we programmed to not get along, is it the result of this mad conspiracy that they have launched years back. I was at a conference and a man who I respect not because of the last name he inherited but for the simple fact that he listens, brought up a point of which the system doesn’t allow external change or difference, not only do I agree! I am witnessing that being translated in actions within the people. I will give myself as an example since I can support my argument by simply saying “I”. I am constantly approached by people with one argument; do you think you can change what many have tried for years? (Rudely I might add) and passionately I always answer yeas why not, well today I would like to rephrase, FUCK YES. Note to all who doubt, I am not we are not you are not the same as the ones who fought for the change we are starving for. I praise my passion towards a land that I thank God daily for calling it WATANI. There is a saying if you don’t have something nice to say then don’t say anything. We need to learn to integrate it into our lives. It still hurts when people try to put me down, I am blessed with a strong personality but my skin is as thick as yours and what you feel I feel. I can press the mute button at times, but how long can the button work. The point being is that, he who lives with a passionate determination to accomplish what keep the soul going is a hero/winner  regardless of what the outcomes is. I am in Lebanon not to simply magnify its flaws with words like most people/politicians sell through empty words, but to try and magnify it strengths that will soon, if we stand closely witness it overpowering all. If you once tried, try again and if you don’t want to move aside and allow the rest to try.

What I am anxiously waiting for.........daily people call out my resemblance I adore it

 

 

Missing

Mk