it's a dare to say the truth type of era

Last night I simply lived, I let go of all restrictions that this dam society has imposed and just lived. It’s been a while since I ran around not caring about what people have to say or not acknowledging the pointed fingers that most of the times were just shadows and we all know shadows aren’t harmful!!! But we convince ourselves that if the direction is pointed our way then we are guilty as charged. Well babies it’s all Bullshit, yes you hear me BULLSHIT. I ain’t no saint, but I am far away from being a devil. If I stood loving, they talked. If I stood battling, they talked, if I stood smiling they talked. If I stood for a speech they closed their ears and talked. See we live in a society where people who stand regardless for what, will be targeted to sit down. As I clocked every second of last night, I couldn’t help but think of a certain someone that I have grown to lose all my respect when at one point he owned my all. As I sat and contemplated the thought of him, I realized that sometimes people sit us down not with cruel words or pointed fingers, but with smiles, special moments and empty promises. It’s a dangerous world out there I am telling you. You can never tell what face is hiding behind that mask and yes to me most people are wearing masks. Everyone in this world is singing a different anthem, but non are singing the we anthem. It’s a world of I I then we, and to be frank I joined that choir and I am standing first row. I will remain sincere and passionate but I will drop the “oh excuse me did it stress you out when you tried to walk all over me” shi men heda el haki. Oh one more thing, don’t be afraid to acknowledge what road you sought the important part is that you got to where you have to be.

you have to look beyond what's infront you.......it's all an act of distraction

 

and when you choose truth!! fucking say the truth

 

 

 

mestanfera

 

MK

Thank You Malo Family

It’s April 25^th 2013, I want to close my eyes and arrive at May 31^st 2013 to be more precise 9:30 pm. I feel pretty drained at this moment, I am assuming it’s the terrible flu that refuses to let go. Yesterday I conversed with a certain someone on Whatsapp, never can I understand how someone can deliver an argument via characters, I think solid words need to be supported by certain tones to project the right message. Anyways, the conversation ended with a disappointment, “metel el 3ade”. Can someone explain to me why we are so fucking defensive? I think this world is really coming to end!!! There are people out there breaking sound barriers and we can’t event hear the sound of a calm conversation. Are we programmed to not get along, is it the result of this mad conspiracy that they have launched years back. I was at a conference and a man who I respect not because of the last name he inherited but for the simple fact that he listens, brought up a point of which the system doesn’t allow external change or difference, not only do I agree! I am witnessing that being translated in actions within the people. I will give myself as an example since I can support my argument by simply saying “I”. I am constantly approached by people with one argument; do you think you can change what many have tried for years? (Rudely I might add) and passionately I always answer yeas why not, well today I would like to rephrase, FUCK YES. Note to all who doubt, I am not we are not you are not the same as the ones who fought for the change we are starving for. I praise my passion towards a land that I thank God daily for calling it WATANI. There is a saying if you don’t have something nice to say then don’t say anything. We need to learn to integrate it into our lives. It still hurts when people try to put me down, I am blessed with a strong personality but my skin is as thick as yours and what you feel I feel. I can press the mute button at times, but how long can the button work. The point being is that, he who lives with a passionate determination to accomplish what keep the soul going is a hero/winner  regardless of what the outcomes is. I am in Lebanon not to simply magnify its flaws with words like most people/politicians sell through empty words, but to try and magnify it strengths that will soon, if we stand closely witness it overpowering all. If you once tried, try again and if you don’t want to move aside and allow the rest to try.

What I am anxiously waiting for.........daily people call out my resemblance I adore it

 

 

Missing

Mk 

Monster me

This past week I fell in and out of liking loving wanting needing “God knows what coz I don’t even know anymore” a million times.  You can call it an emotional rollercoaster and I can stamp that. Now today I am perfectly fine, I still tend to have moments that I just wonder!!! But it’s all under control. Now tonight it’s a bit tricky, I just hope I’ll be busy enough to forget. Sometimes I feel like I am playing a chess game against me. Plotting to overcome me!! I visited Saint Charbel yesterday, as we drove up and got closer; I realized why so many people have planned several times to take me there. I was dazzled!!! At one point I closed my eyes and imagined my mother next to me, it was a perfect moment. At that moment I thought of what my situation is, then I realized if there is something, someone, anything that doesn’t make you happy 365 days then they are a tenuous element and in life we all know the weak losses. Let them lose your love, your time; your feelings let them lose you. For when they lose you will win. I used to fight to remain sincere to my feelings, but sometimes my feelings weighed me down. In this world you have to have your attitude aligned with theirs, when they play queen you play king. I came to Lebanon with a naïve heart and untrained mind and after two years, it takes one look at someone through the eyes of course to not just read their thoughts, but unravel their all. Do try it, whenever you are conversing with someone look them straight in the eye, it’s a silent movement that brings out a loud truth. Your life is a work of art and art is duplicated!! Let them duplicate you.

                    

 

Be elegant , be bold!!! they both are beautiful

 

 

Kiss and more,

 

MK

When my world revolves around you

just kidding........... it's your turn to talk, share your wisdom and tell me something....

Thank you for Standing

I would like to officially announce that yes my blogs do reflect my state of being. So my words are inspired from a series of fortunate and unfortunate events mixed together. As I write music has to be present, it always gives me that push of mental power. “Music takes you places, so follow it”  Irritation: The state of feeling annoyed, impatient, or angry. The cause: shallowness. It still baffles my mind when I find myself in a midst of a conversation explaining why I am passionate about certain aspects in MY life. I would like to take a step backwards and explain my point, years years back when my hair was always two colors brown top blond bottom, people questioned and criticized. Now all I see is brown top, blond bottom. When I wore ripped pants the same story, when acid wash was in everyone was out etc. you probably fell bored for a split second reading the above, I feel you because I got bored writing it. Now imagine having to explain it. I think the lack of self-confidence projects such questions. I believe we are all born with the ability to cross borders and frame new fences, it’s what makes us human beings. So why waste time framing fences to others? On Sunday, I proudly stood in front of a crowd that water the seed of perseverance in me. At the Kataeb Executive Forum 2013 I shared my story, a story that I share daily. Some praised my boldness and passion, some questioned why me? Some asked if I had a husband….. and some asked why are you so into it? Clearly they didn’t hear me, and surely they don’t care. We daily meet people, the world is extremely generous when it comes to people. But the generosity in people is as minimal as there hearing abilities. I want to apologize for the seconds, sorry I wasted you trying to explain me. People for the love of GOD all mighty, the one you fear and love and pray to whenever you need something. Please invest in yourself, allow yourself to be asked and not ask, allow yourself to fall madly in love with something, something that will matter, and something that you will be asked to share. Since you didn’t ask I would like to share this, “I live to love and love to live and today is mine and so is tomorrow.” If you find weight in that, drop it. One more thing, Humans: Humans are characterized by having a large brain relative to body size, with a particularly well developed neocortex, prefrontal cortex and temporal lobes, making them capable of abstract reasoning, language, introspection, problem solving and culture through social learning. If you don’t fall in this category that’s a problem to question.

YES, I DO!!

 

 

 

Grateful for you,

 

MK

 

 



a broken heart was once a blinded one

In the pyramid of my likings, having a long deep conversation with someone I love falls on the top. After so called hours that seemed like added up spilt seconds I took a deep breath and realized how strictly bordered I have become. As I scroll through the days of my life, I notice the same subjects coming up daily. It is like I pause at night rewind in the morning and play all day over and over again. While I sit thinking of certain people, my future, my friends my family, I feel an added stress taking over. Even at this very moment as I am typing I can feel it elevating reaching my drained brain. At moments I pressure it down with the positive thinking weapon, it works sometimes but that stress still surfaces. I have been seeing this scenario in many stories. Are we the era of stress? When is drowning strictly related to water? When is enough is enough? Is the internal power bolder than the external? So back to the conversation, as we sat in bed discussing and plotting, we realized the reasons we keep using to keep the daily subjects alive are nothing but excuses. There is one question that has bombarded my soul and took over many conversations and still I rotate and come back to that dam question mark. All the answers and reasonings are muted by the silence of the source and I am eager to hear. Will I ever hear? No one knows!! If you are relating to what I just attempted to make sense of you would know how annoyingly unfair it is to be blindfolded when your feelings and all are seeing clearly. So the conclusion, there isn’t a conclusion there is an end. When you turn the wheels to the right and the path leads you to the left, let go.

It's My Turn

Fierce,

MK

I want it Magnetic

In the office about to clock out, the day passed like a second. My thoughts are scattered, I am eager to jump on that treadmill and run my heart out. The past weekend was weirdly fun; of course I came across different people, fun, wild, boring, horny, bold and drunk. A mixture that reflects normal human traits! But one thing went home with me, the deja  vu of some traits that haunt me till this day. Whenever I meet someone especially a guy regardless of the intentions towards, I try to see traits that once defined THE love. Intelligence, kindness, humor, killer music skills different. A hybrid mix of what makes my all drool. Is it healthy to always compare, to allow the standards of the past live on to the present deciding on the future? I agree those traits are positively presented, but why is it I see them bigger and bolder thaN what might possibly be better?  I usually don’t intend to take my thoughts further than the borders of my world, action wise. My friend “Memoire” whispered in my ear “Michelle look around everyone wants anyone, what do you want ?” I sipped on my drink, I remember it was a bit strong , “I don’t want to want anymore.” He grabbed my drink and sipped it away. “ Boudoir “my nickname”  we all want to be a painting, we want someone to love our colors see our story and hang us in a special place.”  I smacked that cute face of his and danced my heart out. He might have drawn us, some of us got the light colors, some got the thin brush, but one thing we all are BEAUTIFUL PAINTINGS AND IT TAKES ONE PERSON TO HANG US.

 

Some will bow, some will vow

 

 

Passionate,

 

MK